I'm going to jail i love you
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
