so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
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Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
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My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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