Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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