her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
