i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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