It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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