your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
