i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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