i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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