im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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