i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
