the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Randomize
