Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
