Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
