She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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