just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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