it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
