she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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