i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
