You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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