If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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