Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
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