Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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