The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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