So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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