bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
