Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
