Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
