WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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