help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
