he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
