So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
what day is it and did you see me today?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
