My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
