Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
