I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
