He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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