we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
