i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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