Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
