i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
