theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
foreskin is a definite game changer
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
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