I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
