i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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