So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
