Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
