The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
vagina is talking i cant
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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