i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
