My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
