gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
