Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
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Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
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I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I need to sanitize my soul.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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