if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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