they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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