He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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