im drinking this country out of the recession.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
