KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I want a musical about memes.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
