WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
