i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
