You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I need to calm my uterus...
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
