Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
