Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
