More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
