in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
It's blow job season.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
