I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
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