i don't like sucking hair
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
