I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize