Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize