And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
