You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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