I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
