Moan for me like Helen Keller
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
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It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
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She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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