Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
