if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Walk of Shame today included voting.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
