I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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