she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
